Lab Coats: Parts I, II, III

"Curious creatures are they not? Just kind of stumbling around, aimless, pointless, maybe even worthless," mused the First one.

The Other one did not speak. There was no need to - the First always did enough talking for the both of them - so instead he leaned back and allowed the First to continue.

"I do wonder what Ugly will make of them."

The Ugly one was, aesthetically at least, a box, and nothing more could be said in favour of her physique. But when it came to matters of the mind - Aha! - that was where she shone. She was precise and methodical in her manner, cruel and honest when she spoke, and she was relied upon by the First and Other for these very qualities.

"I mean. I guess they're alive, in a technical sense you understand. It's just that, well, I'm not sure it should count, you know? As a whole, they don't really do much."

The First paused to think, chewing pensively on whatever it was that had found its way into his mouth.
The Other chose not to add anything to the conversation, knowing that the First would soon catch his train of thought again, which would supersede anything the Other cared to suggest.

"Of course, some of them achieve things, and it's almost inspiring to watch them do it, but you do tend to wonder if they just look able because they're compared to the ones which surround them.
"What are we going to call them by the way? Oh never mind actually, we'll see if we keep them first."

Growing tired of the First's ramblings the Other made a gesture, a gesture which resulted in the sudden appearance of Ugly.

"All Life Signs Present In Approximately Nought Point Nine One Seven Percent Of Species." Ugly coughed and spluttered a little before continuing, "Most Common Causes Of Failure Are: Insufficient Awareness; Insufficient Thought Processes."

"So they're blind and stupid," continued the First in his whimsical voice, "I guess that makes sense. Kind of useless then really. Shame. It does make you wonder how they ever manage though."

The Other now had reason to speak, doing so with an authoritative voice that echoed off the sterile walls, "Find me our next species."

***

"Well why don't we just create our own world?" asked the First.

This took the Other by surprise. He had arrived at a similar conclusion long ago, but he did not think the First would have considered it quite so soon.

"I mean. We spend all of our time picking one species after another, and they're rarely any good. But if we had our own world we could direct things to function as we wanted."

The First looked expectantly to the Other; it was obvious that he had been putting a lot of thought into this idea. The Other put his tools aside, turned to the First, and spoke carefully.

"Sector three is empty, you can build your world there."

It was important that the First had come up with the idea by himself. He would create and nurture with such delicate care and precision as only he was capable, but only if he considered it his own creation.

"Well yes, I suppose that will work out rather well," said the First as he gestured for Ugly's presence, "and it shall be interesting to see the results."

The laboratory became awash with Ugly's eminence. She blinked once, twice, then spoke in her steely voice.

"Endowments Required."

"We will keep things small. The fractured communities we have seen elsewhere are quite upsetting, and yes, a rather pleasant environment, lest they find some reason to destroy it."

"Stable Foundation Created. Lifeforms Required."

"Let's make sure the symbiosis is perfectly clear. Otherwise they may just ruin everything by attempting to dominate."

"Integrated Habitat Created. Passage Of Time Required."

Something began to trouble the First. He thought it over then turned to the Other.

"I seem to have discovered a problem."

"Explain." The Other continued to work but was paying close attention to the First's revelation.

"I appear to be assuming stupidity within my own species, and I am ensuring that they will not destroy themselves as a result of this affliction, but all I shall end up with is a stupid species that survives for a long period of time. Our earlier experiments have given us no indication as to how one nurtures intelligence."

"That appears to be the problem with life," said the Other, allowing himself a slight smile, "Keep working. You will improve the system."

***

The First took a step back from his work and spoke to the room in general, sounding more than a little surprised with himself.

"I... I think I've done it."

The Other did not let his excitement affect him. Carefully he began to put away his tools as the First continued to talk to the room.

"Ugly still needs to return the results, but yes, yes I think I've done it."

"Show me."

The First stepped aside to allow the Other to view his work, all the while explaining his methods.

"At first I thought I might just play the numbers you see. I reasoned that if I went through enough cycles, eventually I'd find one which worked, or at least see a pattern."

Intrigued, the Other watched Ugly with great intent, waiting for her unique insight as the First continued to voice his enthusiasm.

"But then I realised what was missing from all the other species we have found: perspective. When they start out they can't even see what they're a part of, let alone appreciate it, and by the time they work it all out their own inbred version of progress has already ruined them."

"And so you gifted them perspective at the very beginning. Masterful"

The First was visibly pleased to receive the compliment, but did not allow it to interrupt his explanation.

"It was tricky building a world which would grant them the sight they required, but once it was done they took to it perfectly."

Coughs and spluttering from Ugly left the First and the Other waiting patiently for the all-important analysis.

"All Life Signs Present. Species Deemed Successful."

"Oh how terribly exciting! Life - intelligent life - there's so much potential!"

While the First could barely contain his delight the Other maintained his composed demeanour, despite the magnitude of the discovery.

"We may finally proceed." With a gesture he dismissed Ugly, "Let us now begin the second phase."